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Grey Autism

Many have heard of the term "grey generation", which means people over 50. Dona Palmira (not her real name) has long since passed the age of 50. She is six years away from doubling them. She is the one who used to say that her autism was grey. She got that way with her hair quite early on. At least compared to the vast majority of people. At thirty-nine her hair was all white. It ran in the family. His mother and before that his grandmother had been the same. It wasn't the only thing that ran in the family. She has always dressed in grey. It's her favourite colour. She wonders why people pick on her by saying that her clothes match her hair.


She has been in a nursing home for about twenty-nine years. She entered a care home at 65 for the first time. The experience was horrible. She left after six months. She didn't get along with people. She felt she had many good reasons for this as they didn't treat her well. Although at that time she was able to do some things, there were everyday tasks that were always a greater difficulty. Making food, cleaning the house and doing the laundry were always abominable things for her. It is true that you have learned to cook some things, but diabetes has led to the need for greater care with food and other things. And even though she can clean the house and do the laundry, her physical strength has long been lacking.


And why didn't she just stay at home and have a home support team come to her house, some people ask. This was considered and even tested, but Mrs Palmira became incompatible with the team. Not only were they not always the same, but some of them messed with her things, which she didn't like at all. And the food wasn't exactly what she was used to. And besides that it was always changing, because the person who made the food was also a different person. And they didn't always keep to the timetable for getting to her house.


And if this hypothesis was not possible, why didn't they consider going to a relative's house, they wonder. Her mother was no longer alive. She had committed suicide when Palmira was 23 years old. She never knew her father. She hasn't seen or spoken to her three younger brothers for many years. Their relationship was never great. Her mother made her take care of them. Mrs. Palmira is the eldest of them and she is also a woman. And in those days that meant sacrificing herself for the family. Something she never understood. She did it when she had to and left home as soon as she could. For many years she even thought that her mother had committed suicide because she had left. Mrs. Palmira has got to you. In fact, this is how life has always been for her. Her mother worked the whole day and her brothers and sisters would each stay on their own side and would get together when it was time to eat. And nobody spoke at meal times. Mrs. Palmira's mother did not allow such lack of politeness. And Mrs Palmira was grateful, as it was a moment of peace for her. Her mother had many other rules. They were probably necessary. She was a single mother taking care of three children. Yes, three children, because Mrs. Palmira raised herself alone. And she is grateful that she did. Because being raised by her mother meant for her to end as she herself ended her life. And about her father she doesn't say anything, because he didn't even stay to meet her. And as for her brothers, no way, because Mrs Palmira had enough examples of men who mistreated her. She even thanked never having met her father. She never married. Never wanted to. Never believed. She says she had no reason to. He adds that he wouldn't have been patient. Whether it was because of her routines or because she didn't understand most of the habits of others. She preferred life like that, stuck to herself.


At the Home, one of the times she was seen by the doctor, he asked her about her life. Palmira did not understand. She had gone to complain about her headaches. The noise in the home was still deafening. She said that at night everything was confusing to her, as it always had been. And during the day she didn't like people chasing her for anything and everything. The doctor kept asking her more questions. Specific things. He even asked her if she had had any psychiatric diagnosis in the past. He told her that sadness, a lot of sadness. But that he didn't know if that was a diagnosis. They stayed there for more than an hour and a half. At the end of that time the doctor told her about autism. Dona Palmira answered that there was no one in the family anymore. She got up and left. It was time for lunch.


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